This is Part Two of my article on Adoption and the various issues facing pregnant women. This part will now focus on the OPTIONS available to pregnant women.
A Fairy Tale Recap…
A Fairy Tale Adoption… Why? Why is my son’s story that different from any other teenage love story. Stories about teenage love are quite the literary theme. Just look at Romeo and Juliet? West Side Story? Twilight? Even Harry Potter included some mild “angsty” moments later in the series. My son’s story is different because Adoption is seen as THE ANSWER to all unwanted pregnancies. And his was a fairy tale of “perfection”…
The adoption of a healthy, Caucasian little girl to two middle class, hard-working Caucasians (a nurse and a firefighter), who had tried for years to have a child of their own and finally made the decision to adopt.
THIS is a fairy tale adoption.
Fairy Tales are well and good, and in days of old, they were used as learning stories to teach young ones the hazards of adult life and the importance of community. That the Boogie Man is “out there”, and that life does not always go as planned. You know – Reality. Modern Fairy Tales are more capitalistic and entertaining… Although I will allow that the underlying theme of some of the animated movies can be quite heart felt. The segment of married life in the movie UP was quite moving, and showed the reality of marriage: the good, the bad and the unexpected.
The Publication of Grimm’s Fairy Tales | History Today
How the Grimm Brothers Saved the Fairy Tale | The National Endowment for the Humanities (neh.gov)
But Fairy Tales will not answer the real issues at hand, as Part One discussed. I provided a brief, but somewhat detailed list of issues that pregnant women face in today’s modern world. But the true issue today is the public’s lack of understanding; that these issues pregnant women face can create scenarios that may not end in “happily ever after”. So the main topic of this second part is still this:
Do the well meaning, financially and familial’y secure voters and politicians take any of (these issues) into account? No. And that is the sad but truthful fact that no amount of “good intentions” can gloss over.
So on we go into the fray… The Options.
Pregnancy Options | Unplanned Pregnancy Help and Counseling (plannedparenthood.org)
OPTION ONE: Carrying the Unborn Child to Term.
This is the most obvious and standard answer for pregnant women. Whether or not you planned the pregnancy, wanted the pregnancy, or should carry the pregnancy to term… EVERYBODY is happy for you, wishing you well and offering “sincere” help when you need it whether you want the help or the baby. Baby showers, preparing the baby’s room, setting up babysitting for when you return to work: so many things to do in the interim between the unknown and the known, the unsure to the expected. I myself enjoyed the process. I was married, he had a good job, and we could make it work even if the timing wasn’t the best. I hadn’t finished my college degree and therefore could not contribute to the finances as well as he.
To be or not to be…
Of course, there are also the social pressures TO BE a mother that are not very obvious to the mainstream unless you choose to NOT be a mother. My daughter experienced the pressure from her soon-to-be-mother-in-law to provide a grandchild as-soon-as-possible (ASAP). My former boss talked about how her relationships with her friends changed as they became parents and the undertone of “Why not you?” began to sour the conversations. My son even talks about the pressure from others because he chooses not to be a father. The social expectation to procreate is strong and for those who choose a child-free lifestyle, defending one’s choice can become old and repetitive.
Expectations of motherhood | Jean Hailes
The Social Pressure of Experiencing Motherhood | HuffPost UK Life (huffingtonpost.co.uk) OpEd
Why So Many Are Satisfied Being Childless by Choice | Psychology Today
The Obvious Issues.
The nexus of this article are the occasions where being pregnant would not be good news. These issues are the ones being tossed about on the news now. Teenage/child aged mothers, incest/rape victims and the health of the mother. These are the Clarion Call for the Compassionate. But three notes does not a sonata make.
Adolescent pregnancy (who.int) From Part One
The Problem With Incest | Psychology Today
Rape and incest account for few abortions, so why all the attention? (usatoday.com)
Reasons for Therapeutic Termination of a Pregnancy (verywellfamily.com)
I covered some of the issues already and I am not going to beat that topic’s drum again. I will simply allow that for MANY and VARIOUS reasons, a woman may not want to or be able to carry an unborn child to term. So, then what?
OPTION TWO: ADOPTION
(Heavenly Choir in the Background)
The ANSWER to All Unwanted Pregnancies.
Why would this be seen as the ABSOLUTE answer to unwanted pregnancies? Simply put, the life of the unborn baby is not being threatened. And while this may seem like the best option… Is it? For my son and his girlfriend, they decided on an OPEN Adoption. “Open adoption is an adoption structure where the birth family and adoptive family are aware of important personal information (names, location, etc) and have the option for post placement contact. Open adoption has been proven to be an incredible way to raise an adoptee. It’s also incredibly beneficial for the birth parents and their grieving process.”
What surprised me to learn, as the decision on how to deal with the pregnancy was definitely in the girl’s hands, not mine as the boy’s mother; was how many options for adoption are out there!*
Types of Adoption:
Agency (public) or Independent (private)
Open – see above
Semi-open – “The birth parents are able to pick the adoptive parents from a profile and are able to receive updates by pictures and other information through their connection with an adoption agency.”
Closed – “The birth parents and adoptive parents do not meet, exchange information, or contact one another.”
International Adoption – An adoption agency or attorney can help with the choice of country. I had a friend who did this, successfully. Happy family.
Foster Adoption – usually involves older children, at a lower cost.
#Stepparent Adoption – are over half of the US adoptions, with home studies for safety. Note: this data is not held up in AFCARS.
What Is Open Adoption? | Adoption.org
*Adoption Options | American Pregnancy Association
Having a baby or adoption | Growing your family | Fidelity
Things to think about for the Type A’s out there. Must be a member to follow the links.
Global and National Pregnancy Stats
All these options, and so many chances to save a life. Maybe? Let’s add some statistics to this information; the nitty-gritty of just how many unwanted pregnancies are there, world-wide. According to the Lancet, “in 2015–19, there were 121 million unintended pregnancies annually, corresponding to a global rate of 64 unintended pregnancies per 1000 women aged 15–49 years.” Let’s let that sink in.
One hundred and twenty one million unintended pregnancies globally per year.
Now let’s add how many live births occur globally, per year. “Around 140 million babies are born every year in the world. That’s more than four births every second of every day.” So 19 million people are “planners”. Got it. Alrighty… Now let’s look at how many of those births occur in the US.
I feel like a Math Teacher setting up a word problem…
According to the CDC, there were 3,664,292 births in the US in 2021. Sigh… The World Count website now makes a little more sense, doesn’t it?
Number of births per year (theworldcounts.com) WOW… Just wow.
Global Overcrowding?
So many births… Are these really all such a great idea? As a PLANET, we just broke the EIGHT BILLION marker in population. Our “blue marble” in space is literally running out of space. Is this ethically and/or morally the correct thing to do as stewards of this great Earth? As “parents” of the future generations? These are things to think about.
World population hits 8 billion, UN says, as growth poses more challenges for the planet | CNN
And now, at last, the most important stats…
Adoption Statistics:
This next section proved to be a challenge. Trying to find good stats that are current and relevant. Gracious! I finally broke down. I deleted the one from 2013, deleted another that was clearly from a religious agency and printed off the AFCARS Report from 2022: Adoption and Foster Care Analysis and Reporting System. I don’t recommend that you actually download it, unless you just love looking at statistics… Yawn** This brought back distressing memories of writing papers in college. Augh! But with a little digging and deciphering, I got what I wanted.
Adoption in the U.S. – ethnicity of adopted children 2020 | Statista
Adoption in the U.S. – age distribution at time of adoption U.S. 2020 | Statista
US population by year, race, age, ethnicity, & more | USAFacts
The Changing Face of Adoption in the United States | Institute for Family Studies (ifstudies.org)
The AFCARS Report #29 (hhs.gov)
“Inequality” in Care.
To begin with, adoption and foster care are not equitable in dealing with children. By the numbers, non-Hispanic white peoples make up 59.3% of the US population as of 2021, yet non-Hispanic white children only make up 43% in foster care… And 50% of the adopted children as of June 2022. The Statista data will provide the actual numbers reported by public agencies. These numbers do not include Private. How about the non-Hispanic white adoptive parent? They make up over 70% of the adoptive parents in the US. Big. White. Numbers.
Non-white children show notably different numbers. The Black or African Americans make up 13% of our population, but 22% of the foster care system and only 17% of the adoptions per year. Hispanic (of any race) make up 19% of our population, 22% of the foster care and only 20% of the adoption. The last notable one is American Indian/Alaskan Natives: they make up less than 1% of our population, yet they make up 2% of the foster care system and adoptions.
These numbers show a disparity in our culture that I don’t have time to get into, nor the background. My son’s adoption experience was a FAIRY TALE due to the fact that his child was white, the adoptive parents were white and they got her as a newborn.
If you are non-white?
The chances of your surrendered child being adopted are lower. The chance of your surrendered child being raised by someone of similar cultural background is lower. And the chances of your surrendered child spending more time in the foster care system being passed about… Is pretty good, sadly. These are NOT Fairy Tale conditions.
Meet Former Vice President Mike Pence.
Sunday I watched Meet The Press with Chuck Todd and his interview with the former Vice-President Mike Pence. Mr Pence talked about how the reversal of Roe V Wade was, in his opinion, the most consequential moment of the Trump-Pence administration. That the sanctity of life and the compassion of the American People will win out. Yet if you define sanctity as the quality of being holy, sacred, or saintly and you define compassion as the sympathetic pity and concern for the sufferings or misfortunes of others… Then I feel kind of safe stating that, overall, we’re not very compassionate or concerned with the sanctity of life here in the US. I’ll let the stats talk for me since this was covered in Part One.
Watch Meet the Press Episode: Meet the Press – 11/20/22 – NBC.com
How many Americans live in poverty? (usafacts.org) From Part One
Social Determinants of Health – Healthy People 2030 | health.gov From Part One
“There but for the Grace of God…” My Faith.
What is the meaning of “there but for the grace of God go I”? | GotQuestions.org
Before I go on, I must now add my religious background and my personal views on pregnancy. For myself, I have been a Christian in some form from my youth. Raised Episcopal by hit-or-miss parents who attended when the mood struck them. I was “born again” while I lived in S California at the age of 15. Sitting out on the high school track bleachers, reading our favorite Bible passages to one another… Yes, I was that blessed nerd back then.
But age and time takes a toll on oneself and one’s view of life. Oddly, for all that, I do not remember ever being anti-abortion. For a better understanding of my parents and youth, you can read my first blog, Brother Bob’s 50 Year Apocalyptic Plan – Ms Michaels Class. Because of the previous story, I will not go into the same depths in this story.
I do recall having conversations in my Christian college about dating, sex, etc. The college had three basic categories of students: highly sheltered Christians, well exposed but Christian minded students and then the Hard Core Party group that attended because it was a decent college and moderately priced. I was in the second category. The level of naivete the sheltered students displayed was both humorous, and sad. My Biology 101 class opened on the first day with the comparison of Genesis 1, the formation of the Earth, to the scientific version of the Big Bang. The professor had to connect with the devout if there was to be any biology taught. Truthfully, I used the same approach in my public school years and never had an issue with teaching the geologic time line.
My point to these religious ramblings is that I can see this topic from both sides of the fence. In actuality, from the top of the fence. As a Biology major, I understand exactly when Life begins: when the sperm penetrates the ovum’s outer layer and the genetic material combines into a single cell. As a Christian, I see and understand the importance of life. Now…
When Human Life Begins | American College of Pediatricians (acpeds.org)
Every Sperm is Sacred – Monty Python’s The Meaning of Life – YouTube
A little humor… And perspective. Includes vast amounts of irreverence!
OPTION THREE: ADOPTION
Up to this point, I feel that my article has provided all the needed argument as to why Abortion should remain a viable option to the general public. I say general public because regardless of your views, and much like the oldest profession…* Abortion has been around for millennia and no amount of “legalese” will change that.
Abortion: a history – PubMed (nih.gov)
History of Abortion – ProCon.org
Abortion access is more difficult for women in poverty – The Washington Post 2019
*8 Oldest Professions in the World – Oldest.org
Abortion has been the topic of:
Movies such as Dirty Dancing Dirty Dancing (1987) – IMDb
Television such as Call the Midwife Call the Midwife (TV Series 2012– ) – IMDb
(multiple episodes dealing with WHY women get abortions and WHY we need safe procedures)
and Literature such as A Spark of Light A Spark of Light by Jodi Picoult (goodreads.com)
I could go on and pontificate about my pro-choice views, but that would only alienate those who are pro-life. So let’s just go with a time honored approach…
A Simple Test.
Please pick the answer that you feels best answers the question:
If you knew that your child (any child) was going to be born into the Prison of Poverty, with food insecurity, housing insecurity, domestic abuse… Would you want THE CHOICE to bring that child into this world? Y N
If you knew that your child (any child) was going to be born into the Prison of Severe Medical Conditions where quality of life, length of life, cost of health care… Would you want THE CHOICE to bring that child into this world? Y N
If you knew that your child (any child) was going to be born into the Prison of __________, where ____________ (fill in the negative conditions)… Would you want THE CHOICE to bring that child into this world? Y N
I think you get the idea. Sadly, I have not even discussed the number of women who suffer due to unsafe abortions. I will simply provide a link at this point.
A Friend’s Story.
Earlier I mentioned a friend of mine and her family. They had successfully adopted an international toddler, such a cutie! And as can happen when a woman can’t get pregnant and adopts, she then found herself pregnant. Only her unborn child had a severe medical condition that then prompted the discussion of abortion. The previous long talks about the trials and hopes of adoption were then followed by long talks about the pros and cons of life with “Medical Condition” vs aborting the unborn child. They choose life, and the child flourishes with their love… But she now openly admits that her views on abortion have changed. She sees the “gray”, and not the black-and-white of her Pro-Lifer past.
Reason for Pregnancy After Adoption and IVF (health.com)
Experience has led to compassion. Faith, which is about CHOOSING, then leads to the idea that all life should be seen as sacred. Our compassion should therefore take into account the life of the pregnant woman, her family situations, her living conditions, and not simply her health.
Her right to choose: Y N ?
The Question: A Government Mandate?
Chuck Todd asked Mr. Pence that with Roe v Wade overturned, is there now a Government Mandate that requires all women to carry their pregnancies to term. Quite the question. Mr. Pence waffled and talked about the sanctity of life and the compassion of the people… But really didn’t seem comfortable with a direct answer to the question. The idea of Limited Government and the Separation of Church and State. Hmmm.
I will end Part Two the same way I did Part One:
Everlast – What its like (lyrics) – YouTube
I leave you with this final thought:
There but for the Grace of God… May you never find yourself at the end of that sentence.
There but for the Grace of God…many conversations have begun (or ended) with that phrase. I am personally pro life. But I am also a white female who is married and with health insurance. What separates me from other pro lifers: I believe that being pro life is a CHOICE. Also, I am pro gun restrictions. But that’s a whole other ball of wax…
Great post (per usual!)!
Bless you! My favorite “critic”. I endeavor to reach as many as I can and I am always pleased with your support. Thank you.